rnJournal Entries

This page contains journal entries that were my process at the time.  These are essentially unedited from when written (other than typos or clarification when needed) and may not reflect how I see the world today.  

last updated 10/01/17

March 14, 2016

"Life – the Game"

What if life is actually a game? 

Seriously a game – like Backgammon or Chess or Go or Dungeons & Dragons?

What if God the Creator decided to invent a really cool game?  If I were God and could do anything with my existence, I would definitely create a game.  Games are fun.  They involve strategy and skill and a constant ability to expand or improve on a path to Mastery.  Honestly, what else are you going to do for eternity?  Sit there bored?

What if this game were one where He could take a little bit of His energy and put it into a human being character that is born into the body of a baby, birthed by a mother and part of a father that have certain qualities that get mixed up randomly and passed on to the child.  Dictated by a complex genetic code that is like a game itself – a game within a game.   The basic premise of the game is that I am going to fully incarnate into this character and forget it’s a game.  The point of the game is to figure out that it’s a game and learn to play it so it’s enjoyable. 

The baby starts off blank, but predispositioned based on the DNA code.  Life experiences create feelings.  The infant expresses the feelings purely – if he’s tired he cries; if he’s hungry he cries;  if he’s happy he smiles and kicks his arms and legs.  The infant mind is quiet but is imprinted with messages from the outside world.  His parents respond to the expression of feelings while the baby’s mind is developing.  As the mind develops the baby starts to tell himself stories that “explain” the feelings.  The infant mind is creative but young.  The stories don’t always capture the essence of what is happening and usually revolve around the feeling experience from the single perspective of the infant.  From the infant’s perspective everything revolves around his actions – he is the cause of all that is happening.  This may be true, actually, but not the way he thinks it is.

As the baby’s mind develops, the baby thinks its whole reality is the physical world – he IS the game character and nothing more.  Defined by 5 senses, thoughts and DNA.  He knows separateness and believes the narration of his mind – in fact he barely notices that the mind talks so much – and follows these thoughts blindly, believing he is the thoughts.  He thinks this mind voice is his voice and creates a “self” that is the voice.   All the while the true Self is the piece of energy that is part of the Creator.  The Creator is the actual game player, not the mind. 

The baby grows up believing in the mind and the external world.  But there are times when it glimpses something different, when it’s called to question this paradigm.  The world invents religion and science and astrology and witchcraft and all kinds of other ways to explain this dissonance between the mind’s questioning of the nature of reality and the feeling deep inside that somehow there is more to the explanation.   All of the religions seem to say the same thing in different ways.  Science, at the most sophisticated levels of understanding in physics and math leads the most brilliant minds back to God.  The human existence in the 3D sense-based world becomes more and more confusing and feels more and more unfulfilling.  Some players are born with a deep need to seek out the meaning of life – to answer the question “Why am I here?”

As the baby gets older, he may start to question the point of our world – what determines a good quality of life?  Why does it feel better to be kind to someone rather than to take as much as you can from others?  Why does sharing feel better than hoarding?  What is the point of the game we play as humans if it feels so bad?  Is this all there is? 

From a place of questions and confusion and pain he starts to seek something deeper.  He must seek because he can’t continue to live in this unfulfilling way.  If he does he knows he’s killing something inside of himself.  Or he ignores this dissonance – he knows deep inside something is calling him, but he pretends it doesn’t exist.  He uses the laws of man to justify his thoughts – it’s not masculine to feel.  The world is filled with evil and we must protect ourselves.  There isn’t enough for everyone so I must take all I can to protect myself and my family.  Kindness is weak.  Compassion is for women.

And like all games, there are a few rules. 

One of the most important is the Law of Attraction.  Like attracts like.  Whatever we believe we create.  We sow the seeds of our thoughts, and we reap the results of those seeds.  Even if we don’t know we are doing it, we are constantly planting seeds with our thoughts and feelings.   We can walk along the path spilling seeds out of the bag that we aren’t even aware of, or we can plant them with intention, cultivate them and then watch them grow.

As the baby becomes a man and starts to believe the Law of Attraction, he begins to attract more sources that confirm his beliefs, as he should since whatever he believes becomes part of his truth.  Beliefs are beliefs, not actual Truths, but they still become manifestations.  “Truths” are beliefs that are so strong we call them “True.”  We say we “know” these things to be True.  These are particularly powerful beliefs that create physical “laws” and are mirrored back to the man.  The more a man “knows,” the more it is reflected and confirmed in his existence.  The less a man “knows” the more the path forward is undefined by laws and therefore open to whatever the man chooses at any point in time.  The man must be careful not to know too much, or he can close himself off from finding the actual True rules of the game.

As the man starts to question the power of the mind and opens to the idea that is a tool, a part of the human physical experience that has evolved over millions of years, just like the liver or the kidney, he finds ways to learn to listen to the narrative and call into question what it’s saying.  This takes practice, like any game skill.  As he gets better at this skill, he can start to understand that there is something going in in his experience that is more than the thoughts that cross his path.  He starts to question the Truth of these thoughts.   Could they just be stories he told himself?   If the man is not the mind, then who is he?  What is he? 

  • What am I? 
  • Who am I?
  • I am that, I am.

The rules of the game:

·       The game is about vibrating at higher and higher levels. Shame is the lowest level of vibration (and feels toxic when you learn to feel it).  Enlightenment is the highest (that we know of at this point).  The vibrations have something to do with creation of experience and use the law of attraction to manifest the “physical world.”

·       Gratitude is an extremely powerful tool.  The player can choose gratitude anytime to increase his vibration.  It is also infinite in quantity, always available and serves as an energy source for expressing infinite love.

·       Truthfulness becomes required at some point in the game.  It becomes painful for the player to express untruths and the dissonance reaches a point where the player realizes he must stop doing anything that feels untrue.  Truth allows the player to express the feelings that are happening in the present rather than repressing them where they get caught up in patterns that get struck in the body and allow the mind to continue to make up stories about what is happening.   These repressed feelings are like getting stuck in loops in the game that prevent the player from advancing.

·       Self-acceptance is very important component of the game and is required in order to vibrate at higher levels.  Without self-acceptance, the player will experience feelings of shame and guilt which are the lowest vibrations and create a negative (vicious) cycle that become self-affirming – the more guilt and shame, the more it creates situations and experiences that affirm this sort of thinking.  The less guilt and shame the more positive the experiences become and similarly create a virtuous cycle affirming the goodness in the game. Courage is the vibration that shifts the cycle from negative to positive energy.

·       Compassion is also critical for the player to advance.  Since the player is actually the same connected universal spirit, if he wishes harm on others, he’s actually wishing it on himself.   If he loves others, he is loving himself.  If he loves himself, he can love others.  Forgiveness is the first step towards compassion but is not the same.  Forgiveness allows one to say “I no longer blame you for the harm you have done to me.”  However, he still feels harmed by another player.   Compassion understands that no harm can be done by another and allows the player to empathize with another, to understand the story the other has made up and still believes and allows him to love the other unconditionally.

·       The container – the player must learn to create energy and fill his container without letting it spill out or leak unintentionally.  This involves two parts:  creating energy and moving without spilling it.   Part of moving without spilling energy is the ability to set boundaries with others.  To know when to offer them energy, to understand when and if they are taking your energy and to prevent the inadvertent loss of energy from any circumstance.  Creating energy is a different skill. Creating energy comes from vibrating above a certain level where the vibration is net positive and results in an excess of energy created compared to energy consumed.  The player can bank this excess energy if he wants to.

·       Mirroring.  This is the idea that others in our lives provide a reflection back to us.  Based on the Law of Attraction, since we are creating our very existence with our feelings, thoughts and beliefs – what we attract back to us in our experience with others has been created by our feelings, thoughts and beliefs.  My vibration attracts the perfect result of my vibration and is not a mistake.  When I see something I love in others, it is in me.  When I see something I don’t like in others, it is in me.  This is a very powerful tool – if I am angry or irritated or defensive about the action of someone else, I can look at that as powerful signal I have something to learn or I am repressing or holding on to an old story.  My feeling responses and reactions are powerful clues that I can use to evolve quickly.

The Bible – The Greatest Story Ever Told

Jesus – a master game player. 

Hawkins levels of consciousness

The Levels Described:

Enlightenment 700-1000
This is the highest level of human consciousness where one has become like God. Many see this as Christ, Buddha, or Krishna. These are those who have influenced all of mankind.

Peace 600-700
Peace is achieved after a life of complete surrender to the Creator. It is where you have transcended all and have entered that place that Hawkins calls illumination. Here, a stillness and silence of mind is achieved, allowing for constant revelation. Only 1 in 10 million (that’s .00001 percent) people will arrive at this level.

Joy 540-600
This is the level of saints and advanced spiritual people. As love becomes more unconditional, there follows a constant accompaniment of true happiness. No personal tragedy or world event could ever shake someone living at this level of consciousness. They seem to inspire and lift all those who come in contact with them. Your life is now in complete harmony with the will of Divinity and the fruits of that harmony are expressed in your joy.

Love 500-540
Only if, in the level of Reason, you start to see yourself as a potential for the greater good of mankind, will you have enough power to enter here. Here is where you start applying what was learned in your reasoning and you let the heart take over rather than the mind - you live by intuition. This is the level of charity - a selfless love that has no desire except for the welfare of those around them. Ghandi and Mother Theresa are examples of people who were living at this level. Only 0.4 percent of the world will ever reach it. 

Reason 400-500
The level of science, medicine, and a desire for knowledge. Your thirst for knowledge becomes insatiable. You don’t waste time in activities that do not provide educational value. You begin to categorize all of life and its experiences into proofs, postulates, and theories. The failure of this level is you cannot seem to separate the subjective from the objective, and because of that, you tend to miss the point. You fail to see the forest because you’re tunnel-visioned on the trees. Paradoxically, Reason can become a stumbling block for further progressions of consciousness.

Acceptance 350-400
If Courage is the realization that you are the source of your life’s experiences, then it is here where you become the creator of them. Combined with the skills learned in the Willingness phase, you begin to awaken your potential through action. Here’s where you begin to set and achieve goals and to actively push yourself beyond your previous limitations. Up to this point you’ve been generally reactive to what life throws at you. Here’s where you turn that around, take control, and become proactive.

Willingness 310-350
Those people around you that are perpetual optimists - this is their level of consciousness. Seeing life as one big possibility is the cornerstone of those operating here. No longer are you satisfied with complacency - you strive to do your best at whatever task you’ve undertaken. You begin to develop self-discipline and willpower and learn the importance of sticking to a task till the end.

Neutrality 250-310
Neutrality is the level of flexibility. To be neutral, you are, for the most part, unattached to outcomes. At this level, you are satisfied with your current life situation and tend not to have a lot of motivation towards self-improvement or excellence in your career. You realize the possibilities but don’t make the sacrifices required to reach a higher level.

Courage 200-250
This is the level of empowerment. It is the first level where you are not taking life energy from those around you. Courage is where you see that you don’t need to be tossed to and fro by your external conditions. This empowerment leads you to the realization that you are a steward unto yourself, and that you alone are in charge of your own growth and success. This is what makes you inherently human: the realization that there is a gap between stimulus and response and that you have the potential to choose how to respond.

Pride 175-200
According to Hawkins, since the majority of people are below this point, this is the level that most people aspire to. It makes up a good deal of Hollywood. In comparison to Shame and Guilt, one begins to feel positive here. However, it’s a false positive. It’s dependent upon external conditions such as wealth, position or power. It is also the source of racism, nationalism, and religious fanaticism.

Anger 150-175
As one moves out of Apathy to Grief and then out of Fear, they begin to want. Desire which is not fulfilled leads to frustration which brings us to Anger. This anger can cause us to move out of this level or keep us here.

Desire 125-150
Desire is a major motivator for much of our society. Although desire can be an impetus for change, the downside is that it leads to enslavement to ones appetites. This is the level of addiction to such things as sex, money, prestige, or power.

Fear 100-125
People living under dictatorship rule or those involved in an abusive relationship find themselves at this level. There is a sense of paranoia here, where you think everyone is out to get you. Suspicion and defensiveness are common.

Grief 75-100
Many of us have felt this at times of tragedy in our lives. However, having this as your primary level of consciousness, you live a life of constant regret and remorse. This is the level where you feel all your opportunities have passed you by. You ultimately feel you are a failure.

Apathy 50-75
The level of hopelessness and despair; this is the common consciousness found among those who are homeless or living in poverty. At this level, one has abdicated themselves to their current situation and feels numb to life around them.

Guilt 30-50
Not too far from shame is the level of guilt. When one is stuck in this level, feelings of worthlessness and an inability to forgive oneself are common.

Shame - below 30
At this level, the primary emotion one feels is humiliation. It is where most thoughts of suicide are found. Those who suffer from sexual abuse are often found here.
*** Power vs. Force: The Anatomy of Consciousness (Veritas Publishing, 1995).

Update 10/01/17 from India:  I don't believe in the limits Hawkins sets forth on what levels of consciousness may be achieved by percentages of the population.  That was his perspective.  I believe anything is possible. 

If you want to read his book for his explanation on the levels of consciousness and how he "calibrates" them, I recommend it, along with "Letting Go," which was a powerful tool for me along the way.

Update 10/05/17:  I was introduced to an energy worker a few years ago.  For context, I refer to her as OM in the journal entries.  She will do some of her work with me laying on a table.